“It’s a love story, baby, just say…” NO!!! For the love of God, just say NO, Taylor!

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock or are a part of the “Luby crew” still waiting in line to get on “The Price is Right,” then you’ve heard about “the dump” heard ‘round the world.

Taylor “Too” Swift has yet again strummed her way into another A-lister’s arms only to be thrown back to the tabloid wolves (insert evil laugh here) when her “relationship” to Harry Styles abruptly ended. And of course, as history has written, she was yet AGAIN left with just the tears on her guitar and plenty more ammo to compose another No. 1 hit that we’ll be singing on our car rides home, whether we like it or not.

Taylor in her "heart-beat" laboratory

Taylor in her “heart-beat” laboratory

Taylor, Taylor, Taylor! Oh, sweet Taylor- with your perfectly neat Polos and your innocent ballerina flats. Are you sincerely the victim of a love-sick heart, or is there a goldfish swimming between 10-inch see-through platforms hidden underneath those shiny, smooth soles, guuuuurl?! These boots are made for walking, but yours seem to be getting walked all over instead. You’re like that one random pair of tennis shoes hanging from the electricity pole (How DO those things get up there???).

Now, it’s not fair to assume that you are the problem here, but 67 “dear-diary” songs later of continuous confessions on how you’ve fallen way too fast and have been left in the dust- well, I guess maybe it is safe to say: it’s time for an intervention. Your talent and good looks are obviously getting you in the door, but what’s happening in between those starry, love-struck eyes and that pouty “I’m alone again” lip that’s leading you so swiftly back OUT the door? It’s time to really take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Am I giving away too much, too soon?”

Let’s allow the songs to speak for themselves:

“Cause our song is the slamming screen door, sneaking out late, tapping on your window.”

HOLD UP! You were doing what when you were only a freshman in high school? Were you wearing your little black dress and dancing around to Tim McGraw at all hours of the night during that time, too? Guuuuurl!!! From the age of 15, it appears you were already searching to be swept up, then inevitability tripped up, and dare I say – nope, I won’t (I’m sure you’re well aware of all the lovely MTV shows). But early on, there were already tell-tale signs that it’s in your repertoire to rush things, so slooow it down. You were young then, and you’re young now…no need to be thinking about your internal clock and discussing it with your week-old boyfriend. You’ll have plenty of time to do that when you’re 29 (but thank you for reminding me why I’m having steel bars installed outside my future daughter’s bedroom window by the age of 12).

“I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.”

Lady in Red, then it’s time to get your cute, curly weave out of the clouds! Did you really think John Mayer was going to be “the one,” or dating a boy with your same name spelled destiny? OH, but wait, Prince Styles, a teenage heartthrob who’s part of the so-called “biggest boy band in the world?” Yes he was going to be the show-stopper you were meant to give your whole heart to, right? NO! No, no and no. No one implanted those dreams in your mind; it was YOU with the fantasy – all alone, by yourself (do you hear me college-years Whipple? I mean Taylor Swift!). Know what you’re up


against and keep your feet on the ground. Mmmm, hmm, I heard that boo boo, honey child!

“Standing by and waiting at your back door. All this time how could you not know? You belong with me.”

OK, now this song seems kind of messed up. Tapping on windows and waiting at back doors? Stalkeeerrrrr! Take a hint, Tay Tay. If he’s already dodging you and clearly only sees you as a friend then mark him off your list and thank him for some time saved. NEXT!

“I knew you were trouble when you walked in… trouble, trouble, TROUBLE!”

Umm, can I get an encore? Do you want more? No, we do not. Same familiar song, just a different verse, and it always ends the same. Shake it, but don’t break it, sista!

Now you might be asking, “Ms. Whipple, but what does Taylor’s whirlwind of awkward dating rituals have to do with my sales competence and how I can improve it daily?”

I’m glad you asked.

If you believe in your product and you trust in its value, don’t be so quick to offer up freebies just to close the deal. While throwing in a complimentary product showcase and a text ad with the purchase of a top banner might increase the client’s motivation to buy now, you also might be lowering their confidence in the opportunity you’re presenting. Why so eager to give it all away so easily? What are you compensating for?

They say that the way you treat others is also teaching others how to treat you. This can also go hand in hand with your ability to guide a pitch from a $395 listing to a discussion about a long-term and rewarding business campaign.  But if you teach your customer that you have a weakness for selling out, they just might continue to pursue a drawn out sales convo simply to see what else you’re willing to give up. Or even worse, word on the street might spread to other clientele that if they wheel and deal with you correctly, they too can score a few extras on the side.

It is simple sales advice, but possibly hard to follow when you find yourself carried away in the romance of a sale. We’ve all been there – and as we’ve all seen – Taylor has been there too, many, MANY times. So if you ever find yourself lost in day dreams, take a moment, allow your mind to coast back to reality and regain control. Take the same advice that  Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gave ol’ T. Swift, and allow yourself some “me” time.

"You know what, Taylor Swift, you stay away from Michael J. Fox's son."

“You know what, Taylor Swift, you stay away from Michael J. Fox’s son.”

I’m a hopeless romantic, so I believe eventually our favorite disillusioned song bird will figure it out. But if taking the “me” time advice doesn’t work, she can rejoice in the fact that there’s always the option of “Te’oing.” All of her relationships seem to have been imaginary anyway.

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